A Love Story

He slowly wiped the leaves away from the name engraved in stone revealing splatters of mud where someone had carelessly walked by.  Frantically, he tore off his outer shirt to wipe them away, but his action seemed in vain as he only smeared the watered dirt into the cracks.  His tears began to fall again as he searched for a puddle, or a leaf with leftover dew from the morning to clear her name.  The collection of salty water at the base of his chin would have sufficed, but he collapsed, leaving one hand on the epitaph that read, "I love you, but He loves you more.  I'll hold you soon."

4 years had past since the day, the day that changed him, that broke him, that tore his soul from his chest.  The day that she went in for what they had called surgery, a minor procedure  After the battle they had fought, the choices they had made to rage against the problems, the issues, this is how it ended, 4 years ago, on this day.

It had taken the first year for Grayson to be able to understand life at all.  Barely eating, hardly any social interaction.  Every walk to any room brought memories they could have had together.  Brokenness surrounded him, bouts of anger grasped for his very life at times and yet somehow he loosely held to his sanity though to some it had been long gone.

The second year got better, he was able to forgive, everyone involved, including himself.  Future memories still haunted his dreams at night but he was journaling them, and it was peaceful for him.  A good counselor was walking him through grieving and giving him hope for the future, both here and in the afterlife.  He was beginning to live, through grace, again.

It was in this year he was able to sense his love returning for the savior he had adored before that faithful day.  A sense that His grace and glory was more, that His plan was better.  It gave him comfort but did not ease the pain of loss.  Pressing into sovereignty was how he survived.

Though time had begun to heal and theology had taken hold, recently there had arisen a different conflict.  A woman had entered his life, beautiful and in pursuit of Christ.  She was caring of him, gentle and firm, exactly what he needed.  The thought of a deep relationship brought fear and anxiety, but the draw to her was undeniable.  She knew his story, and loved him none-the-less.

Her name was Kaley, meaning brave warrior, which was exactly what she was to him.  This complicated everything for him, too close, too painful, what happened could be prevented, but could he prevent it?  His soul had warred against these things that were now constant in his mind, bringing him to this grave on the 4th year anniversary of his precious Belle's death.

After what seemed an eternity, but not close to the time he would like to have spent, Grayson forced himself to stand.  Wobbly, underneath his shaking knees, face drenched in salty tears, he reached into his pocket.  He had searched for what would be a perfect gift to leave.  Both satisfied and comfortable with the unmistakable fact that these would be gone before weeks end he revealed the gifts for his love.

Gently he placed a small red locket and chain on the cold stone, opening it so the world could see his picture on one side and a heart on the other.  He stood again, admiring the placement, hoping she understood his love.  Tears began to stream as he caressed the second gift.  Stroking the head of a small, pink, stuffed pig, and having a difficult time parting with what could have been a memory they shared, he put it down, a gift perfect for his 4 year old daughter, Belle.

With the sun shining, Grayson whispered his "I love you's" and "I miss you's" and turned, intentional with every step towards the car where Kaley had waited so patiently.  When he sat down in the passenger seat she placed her hand on his knee and looked compassionately into his tear stained eyes.  "I would love to have met her," she said to him, with the beginnings of her own tears.

Grayson grabbed her hand but could not look in her eyes.  The response was all he could muster, "I would have too."  And they drove on the winding road away from the cemetery.

(Part 2 is here)
 (Part 3 is here)