Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I almost quit

This morning I felt like the child from Seinfeld who renounced his religion.  I wanted to stand up, fist raised to the air and scream, "I Quit!!!"  The funny thing is, overall I am comfortable at my job, a good place to work with good people. 

No, it is completely different.

Last night my almost 3 year old ended up in bed with us around 2:00 because I am a softy.  He takes up lots of room to be so small, moving and shifting as I try to keep him closer to me so not to disturb his ma'a's slumber.  (everything Linc does is fast, including talking so he leaves letters out - m in this case.)

Apparently he had fiddled with my alarm clock the night before so the 4:15 that was supposed to awake me to some soft, soothing music (usually classic rock of some sort) did not appear.  At 5:30 I awake and arise, not in a hurry, but later than I would like to be.  Get dressed in the dark, grab the phone & lean over to kiss my beautiful wife goodbye when I hear:

"Daddy can I come?" followed immediately by, "Want daddy to come" in a much whinier voice.  I laid back down until he fell asleep, sad that when he awoke I would be fighting the paper mountains instead of making paper airplanes.

I have a good schedule too, I am off around 2 or 3 everyday so I get lots of time with him for us to play punches, light-sabers, soccer, football, running, swimming, cars, spaceships, bobcats .  .  . the list could go on for miles. 

Yet somehow I feel its not right, its seems broken that I have to leave.  I have realized that I schedule my time around his naps - if you want me it is a fight to get me when he is awake.  But when he gets older I can't bring him to work, or teach him a trade.  This is how it was, and how it is no more.

What this does is make it harder for men to be men, real men that are after Christ and their family.  Sorry guys, but there is nothing, NOTHING that should be about YOU!  I know you need a vacation, or some time alone or to unwind or whatever, so do I, but when it comes right down to it how does Christ love the church? 

Unconditionally with no regards for Himself.  No matter how great or easy to love your wife is (mine makes this incredibly easy) this is difficult and eye opening when you start to think this way.  Start to think with everything you do, how does Christ love His church, then act that way.  Be careful though, it could make you less selfish and more like Him.

Start to make the extraordinary seem normal.

1 comment:

  1. nice post austin...i hate leaving the boys (and T)...some days they wrap around my legs and its like climbing everest just to get out the door...does fel good to know you will be missed though...