A Dull Ache

I recently hurt my back.  I know it sounds old and terrible, it wasn't that bad.  A slight wrong twist, a pull, and then the dull pain of a damaged body in a broken world.  By the end of the evening I was stuck in bed doped up on ibuprofen laying on a heating pad.

I did not realize the depth this tiny little injury would reach.

Sleep evaded me for the night but I felt better in the morning.  Worked, played, fought (if you know my son you get this) and at bed time used a heating pad and did not sleep well.  For 4 nights barely visited the REM stage.

I have never been one who needed much sleep but the next day showed how this lack had compounded.

I had a knee ache, old battle injury flaring up.  I was hobbling down my stairs, slipped, crashed, and busted my other knee and both forearms.  It was certainly a spectacular spectacle I was privileged enough that no one saw

I had the illusion I was fine, just tired.

I'm good now, that night I slept great and I have caught up.  Sleep is like a bank by the way, you can take some out but you then need to pay it back with interest.  I was at a rate of about 20% I think!

This morning I look back through my journal of time with God.  My lack of consistency is staggering.  This, the primary way that my Savior has decided for whatever reason to reveal Himself to me and I don't seem to be able to go a day without skipping a day, go a week without missing a week.  It has grown better as I have loved Him more and me less, but it still lurks in the shadows.

This compounds in every area of my life.

How I treat my wife, my kids, my job.  How I lead my groups, my responsibilities.  There is a trickle down effect that is difficult to see in the moment is obviously revealing.  My love for ME and MY time trumps the One who loved me first.

And this is a resolution, a focus this year.  To know Him, not know the Bible or know His Word or what to do or how to live, but to know Him, His character, His love.  To let this compound over time.

He is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him, in simply who He is.